The Toddler War on Food

As a fairly new mom I’ve heard of the different obstacles parents face in raising little human beings. From transitioning a baby to a crib, breaking from the paci, potty-training, and the list goes on and on.

The one obstacle I had never heard of before is the battle over food. I was quite surprised, after 18 months of smooth sailing with Parker Bear, to be squarely on the battleground of a full on food war with our little boy.

 

The last six months have been quite a journey through the world of toddler eating for all of us! Today we are no where near where we want to be but there is light at the end of the tunnel. We’ve learned so much and have found acceptance in the most unlikely of places.

It all started this past fall. Parker suddenly began refusing food that he had enjoyed just a day or two before. This came as a shock to me because had been Parker eating like a champ! In the summer he was nursing four times a day and eating anything we placed in front of him. Dinners were wonderful because Parker would have his own smaller plate of whatever we were eating. As we moved into fall, Parker weaned easily from nursing shortly after he turned eighteen months.

 

His sudden pickiness was so surprising! I quickly learned through several sources that children often go through a “picky phase” around 18-months. We chalked it up to that and just let Parker eat whatever he wanted which was about three foods. The same three foods at every meal. After all, I didn’t want him to go hungry.

Over the course of a few months, Parker went from not eating much to eating next to nothing. He would not even try a food he was not familiar with. This was so unlike the boy from a few months prior! I began to get concerned about the nutrients he was missing as well as frustrated in not being able to properly feed my child. What was wrong with me?

I knew where I wanted us to be as far as toddler eating is concerned: I didn't want a picky child; I didn't want to cook two meals, one for him and one for us; and I wanted meal times to be a happy time for our family. I was also concerned that I might find out years from now that I created a picky eater by catering to this phase. 

I appreciated the support and advice I got from friends. Many people suggested specific toddler recipes. I wasn’t interested in going that route for two reasons: one, I wasn’t going to make two meals for our family, and two, since Parker would not try anything new that would be a waste of time and money for us.

On more than one occasion a meal would end with me or Parker or both of us in tears. We were having such a difficult time! After watching him eat nothing but “puffs” meal after meal, we headed to the pediatrician. Parker’s doctor was not too concerned. He scheduled an appointmet for us to see a peditracic nutritionist  and ordered a blood test just to make sure Parker was not anemic.

 

Around this same time I talked to Parker’s therapists and checked out what was available online. Through these different sources I learned so much:

*I should not get in the habit of making a separate meal for Parker

*Children are not going to starve themselves, no matter how little food they appear to eat

*Mealtimes should be fun not frustrating for the family

*And most importantly, to remove (negative) emotion

While I was completely on board with these guidelines, I needed to know how I was supposed to get Parker to eat. Here is what I learned about that part:

*At each meal offer one food that the child likes – this is a win for everyone

*Continue to offer foods even after refusal for several days – it can take up to ten “no’s” before getting one “yes”

*If a food is refused, wrap it up and serve it again at the next meal time

*When possible give the child choices about what they are going to eat next

Something else that works with Parker is to keep a food available at mealtime even if he says he doesn’t want it. Sometimes he doesn’t want a certain food right then but a few minutes later he does.

 

So where are we now? I am following all of these guidelines.  Parker still gets “puffs” but only every few days, only at one meal, and only one serving as according to the package directions. Sometimes his meals are very small if he doesn’t want what I’m serving. And that’s fine with both Parker and me. Since I’ve removed negative emotion, I just talk to Parker or let him play with a toy in his highchair while Honey and I finish dinner. That way dinner is still fun and we are all together. And that’s the ultimate goal.

I hope that someday soon Parker will eat a small plate of what we are eating. I hope he one day will try macaroni and cheese, strawberries and blueberries, and homemade chicken fingers. Until then we will keep doing the best we can with what we have. 

I hope this will help any other mommies going through a similar food battle. And this mommy is open to advice and ideas from those who have been there before as we continue through this phase.

These Busy Days

Being a stay-at-home-mommy who isn't all that often "at home" sure does make for some busy days! Now that we are in the new year and the countdown to being a mommy of two is just over three months away (can you believe that?) I wanted to take a minute to share what our days are like lately. Mainly so that down the road I'll remember. Too soon they will be gone like all the others before them. And I'll wonder just what I did...

Once a week, Parker and I attend a baby music class. Our class has about 10 babies close to Parker's age and lasts about an hour. We sing, we dance, we clap, and we play musical instruments. Parker's favorite part is when we dance and sing the "freeze" song! It is impossible not to laugh with him while he dances like a little free spirit!

Every week, Parker and I meet up with our play group. For an hour Parker is completely involved in unstructured play time with about 10 other children. I love this time to play with Parker and some different toys as well as chat with the other mommies all about baby stuff. I have found this time and the new friendships we are making to be so wonderful!

Also once a week, Parker and I have physical and speech therapy. In our home! I will share an update in a separate post about Parker's 5 months in physical therapy, but one huge update is that we have made some changes and are now doing therapy in our home. It is wonderful for his therapists to see him in his natural environment! He is learning so much! We continue to be amazed with our little Parker.

Each week, Parker and I also make a run to my doctor's office for my weekly progesterone shot. More to come on how this pregnancy is progressing and Operation Keep-This-Baby-In-Full-Term. Fortunately the office is close by so we usually swing by after play group.

Music class, play group, therapy, and the shot are the four regularly occurring items on our calendar. In addition to that I try to schedule other social activities for us like play-dates and dinner with friends. I enjoy having a play-date each week or every other week to give Parker some one-on-one time with a little friend. And me the chance to catch up with a girl friend! And then Honey and I try to get together with another couple and their littles for dinner a few times a month too. It's nice to get the families together! And of course there's the occasional party, luncheon, or get-together that I find myself at the center of. But I welcome these opportunities to get together with friends and cherish the time we have with them.

Parker and I usually spend one half-day running errands and at least one day every week is spent completely at home. I am not one of those moms who "has to get out of the house every day"! We are perfectly happy at home playing with our toys, reading books, and talking about trucks. I absolutely treasure my one-on-one time with Parker! Although our weeks get busy, I don't want to have a calendar so jam-packed with events that I miss out on these wonderful moments to share with my sweet boy.

After all we have Cash Dog to remind us to get outside for at least a few minutes each day no matter how cold it is! So don't worry, we're getting our Vitamin D.

Parker still takes two naps a day and I find myself using that time to manage our household from phone calls to emails to laundry to dinner prep. We have settled into such a nice pattern... what a great way to close out the last months of "just the three of us".

The Day I Understood My Own Mother

Yesterday while I was out with Parker, returning to the car to head home I reached down into my purse to the ring where I always clip my car keys only to have my heart sink into my stomach. My keys weren't there. They were not clipped to the ring where I always, always, always clip them so that they are not lost when I need them.

I took a deep breath and began to retrace my steps from when I was last standing next to my car, loading Parker into his stroller a couple of hours ago. I was juggling a red toy truck, a sippy cup, an overflowing diaper bag, and a little boy who was excitedly calling out to the trucks that were driving down the road next to the parking lot.

I checked everywhere. The depths of my purse. The diaper bag which is seriously in need of a reorganization and purge. Then my purse again. Where were my keys? I was already planning to whip out my phone to interrupt my husband, who was in class, and ask that he come to our rescue.

I lifted Parker from his stroller. There they were. My keys! They must have fallen from my grasp as I placed my baby boy into the stroller.

And in that moment, I stepped one step closer to understanding my own mother.

The times she couldn't find something she had just a minute ago. The times we had to go back to the house because she forgot to grab something. The times she didn't remember something.

With each time I am scrambling to get out the door, each time I am forgetting something we may or may not need, each time I wonder where I misplaced that thing I needed... It is with each of these moments I understand my own mother a little bit better.

Like me, I'm willing to bet she wasn't always that way. I bet there was a time, long before I rolled around, when she knew where everything was at any given moment. She probably also had a special place for her car keys so that they would not get misplaced.

But also like me, one day she became a mommy. To me. And suddenly there was a shift. A shift in priorities.

Had I not been so concerned about remembering to grab Parker's little red truck, not concerned with remembering to grab his sippy cup from the back seat, and not looking with absolute joy at a little boy excitedly waving to the trucks on the street, I probably would have remembered to clip my keys to the key ring.

But I'm a mommy. To that sweet little boy. And for all the times I will misplace the car keys, I will make an exchange for a moment of joy with my baby boy.

And just like me, someday he won't remember that I forgot. That I misplaced.

No, just like me, he will remember that we laughed. That we loved. That we shared.

Those will be his memories. Just like they are mine.

A Day in the Life

I am always so interested in a day in the life of every other mommy with children at home. Baby Parker has a wonderful schedule and I’m learning quickly that just as we evolved into our current schedule we will soon evolve into another one.

There are two things I love about our current daily schedule: one, it runs like clockwork day after day on the days we are mostly at home, and two, it totally works for us!

Here is our typical day to day:

9:00 am – I get Parker up out of his crib. He occasionally wakes up earlier and plays in his crib for 20 mins or so. As soon as I scoop him up he is ready to nurse. We nurse and then head downstairs.

9:40 am – I hand Parker over to Nanny M. They play and laugh for an hour while I head to my office to work.

10:45 am – I change Parker’s diaper and then Nanny M reads him a story to start the “naptime routine” while I head to the gym.

11:00 am – Parker is placed in his crib in a semi-asleep state for his morning nap.

12:15 pm – Parker wakes up and plays happily in his crib until I scoop him out. It’s usually 12:30 when I get him up since that is when I’m returning from the gym.

12:30 – Parker nurses

1:00 pm – We head downstairs to have lunch together. Parker eats a fresh pureed vegetable, baby yogurt, a handful of puffs, and a jar of organic baby food. After we get cleaned up from lunch I head back to work while Parker plays with Nanny M.

3:15 pm – Parker and I nurse and afterwards I head back to my office and Parker has a little more playtime with Nanny M.

3:50 pm – Nanny M or I read Parker a story to start the “naptime routine”.

4:00 pm – Parker is placed in his crib in a semi-awake state for his afternoon nap.

During his nap I usually take my post-work-out-shower. (Hopefully I had a chance to do this around lunch but sometimes between work meetings it just doesn’t happen until the end of the day. Sorry.) Nanny M has dinner all prepared so I also use this time to turn on the oven, set the table, read the mail, finish up work, whatever needs to be done before Parker wakes up!

5:30 pm – Parker wakes up and I scoop him up to nurse him.

6:00 pm – We head downstairs to play and finish up any final dinner preparations. Honey usually comes home around this time and he and Parker are always happy to see each other!

We eat dinner together as a family *every night* and then we all play until time for Parker’s bath.

8:00 pm – I run Parker’s bath water while Honey plays with him and gets him undressed. I give him his bath and once he’s in his night-nights (pajamas) we nurse then have a bedtime story (usually two) and then it’s time for lullaby’s and bed time.

9:00 pm – Parker is placed in his crib in a semi-awake state and drifts off to sleep.

Later, before Honey and I head to bed, I check on Parker. He never hears me come in!

He sleeps for 12-hours. He is such a good sleeper! Honey and I get up around 7:30 every morning and then the day starts again!

Now this is not to say that there are times when we’re out for an appointment and he ends up taking a later nap because we weren’t at home. Or if we have company and he is playing and having a good time then the schedule might get adjusted.

Usually it works best to stick to this schedule but I welcome opportunities to practice being flexible with Parker. On days we are home this schedule works. On days we are away from home or something else is going on, we adjust. That’s how life goes – you adjust! 

What is your day-to-day like with your little one? I love to hear what other mommy's days are like!

Traditional Hippy Mommy

I've noticed in the mom-club that like high school there are categories we are expected to fall into. 

You have your hippy-granola-crunchy mom's who co-sleep, baby wear, give choices instead of discipline, cloth diaper, and make baby food. Then You have your traditional mom's who put the baby in the crib, discipline, disposable diaper and buy baby food.

I think most of the mommy's I know don't fall into one category or another. Instead they blur the lines. So it got me thinking, where do I fall I in the spectrum?

I DON'T co-sleep. In fact Parker Bear went to his crib his first night home from the hospital. I still got up every 2.5 - 3 hours to nurse him but he always went back to sleep in his crib. My reason was once he started in our room he would never, ever leave. I was too afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. So I never did.

+1 Traditional / -1 Hippy

I DO baby wear. I absolutely love nothing more than wrapping my moby wrap around my body and securing Parker inside! I wear him around the house, on outings, afternoon walks, pretty much every where and every chance I get! It's more fun for both Parker and I since I get to see him experience the world!

-1 Traditional / +1 Hippy

I DON'T make baby food. Although I would like to and I fully intended to! One time I pureed carrots for a dish I was making and held some aside for Parker. Whenever I make squash I mash some just for Parker. He has had mashed banana and avocado. But I have not ever made and frozen large batches of pureed sweet potatoes or peas which would securely hold my place in the "baby-making" category. No. Instead I buy organic baby food in a jar.

+1 Traditional / -1 Hippy

I DO cloth diaper. This was a decision I made before Parker Bear was born and although I didn't start until he was 3 months old I have never looked back! I absolutely love cloth diapering! The extra chores that go along with cloth diapering are certainly worth it to me to keep his baby bum in soft cloth diapers.

-1 Traditional / +1 Hippy

The final category is discipline. Since Parker is 9 months old we haven't started this yet. He's not to the point of doing anything he shouldn't. Or doing anything that requires us to teach him not to. Parker is still very much a baby and probably acts more like a seven month old than a nine month old due to his 5.5 weeks premature birth. When he reaches for something he can't have (coffee mug, wine glass...) I simply tell him "No, you can't have that" and we move on. He doesn't know what I'm saying and he wasn't doing anything to garner a punishment. So for now discipline is on hold. I won't rate myself on what I think I will do because we all know what you think will do simply doesn't count.

I'll have to come back to that one.

So where does that put me? Am I a traditional mommy or a hippy mommy? Well based on these four categories, I am right square in the middle! I'm one part traditional with one part hippy. 

And that sounds like a good mix to me.