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Thursday, February 13, 2014

Passing On The Baby Judgement

You get a lot of unsolicited advice when you're pregnant. This isn't my first pregnancy so I suppose I'm somewhat accustomed to that. But this time, what I was not prepared for was the judgement.

Not necessarily on me, but the complete and total judgment being passed onto my unborn baby boy. You know, the one that is the size of a small cabbage and currently in utero. Have any other mommy's experienced this while pregnant with baby #2?

It starts out innocent enough... "Oh Parker is such a good baby..." but then suddenly "...that second baby is going to give you a run for your money." Oh right, because all of the "good baby" genes must have been used up on Parker, right?

Or... "Parker is a good sleeper? Oh your second baby won't sleep well at all." Yes because that's how it works, only one child per household can be considered a good sleeper.

"Parker doesn't seem fussy. Well this next baby will be a whole different story." Really? Wow.

To the people who believe they have my unborn child, who is barely even three pounds in size, all figured out, here is my request: wait. Please wait until this baby is born. Please let him come into the world. Let him have a chance to be the little baby he was born to be without all of this unnecessary pressure to not be a good baby, or to not be a good sleeper, or to fuss, or to be everything the opposite of his brother.

Yes, I realize I am not re-creating Parker. Trust me when I say there is no scientific experiment going on in my womb to clone my first born. Little baby boy #2 will be a whole new personality with his own genetic makeup. And we can't wait to meet him! He may be a good sleeper, he may not. He may be fussy, he may not.

But just because, simply because, Parker is or is not one way does not automatically pin the opposite on this little baby.

So to those people who insist on telling me how he will be, please wait.

If you do feel compelled to say something, let me leave you with this. These words I heard today: "Parker seems like such an easy baby. That's so wonderful! I believe he will be a positive influence on his little brother." I can't tell you how much I appreciated hearing such a thoughtful comment.

If you're a pregnant mommy and you find yourself an innocent bystander in the unwanted judgment of your in utero baby, I'll share with you the response I give to each and every person who tells me what they think baby #2 is going to be like.

I simply respond, "I don't believe that." Said of course with a smile.



  1. Haha, you tell em girl! I think the opposite about it all. When somebody says my next child is going to be clingy and whiny, I just laugh and say Probably. That way when my next child is another angel, I can pleasantly surprised!

  2. I had the same thing when I was pregnant with my second. Oh your daughter was such a good way you'll get that lucky again! Good! I don't want two of the same babies! I like their differences. Yes I wish he would sleep as well as his sister did but oh well. They are both still awesome! And he's no worse of a baby than she was so in their face!

  3. I don't even get people. I mean.. seriously... Connor has been a needy baby since day 1, that does not mean that if we had a second baby that she or he would be unlike Connor and enjoy her/her freedom. I swear people are completely moronic. They think just because you are pregnant, they have the right to say whatever they think the moment they think it. Blah!

  4. It seems that all common sense flies out the window when people chat it up with pregnant ladies. Oy. :(
    No matter how alike, or different, Parker and Baby #2 are, they are both yours, and they are both perfect (sleep or no sleep)!

  5. How crazy are people to think they can predict another human's temperament and habits before he/she is even born?! Maybe you could ask them for some lotto number too while they're at it. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I don't remember anyone ever saying things like that to me when I was pregnant with R, or if they did I just blocked them out. (with a smile, of course). :)


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